Wednesday, October 23, 2013

holding more than is able

It's not about whether they like you.

They will cry and roll their eyes and stomp their feet and pound their fists.

They may call you meatball head or stupid or lame or they will say they want to leave you.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Waters II

treading water.


the threat of drowning so close. 

what i wish i had known....


where feet may fail...

you called me out upon the waters.
the great unknown.
where feet may fail.
and fear surrounds me.

my soul will rest in your embrace...

...and my faith will be made stronger.
in the presence of my savior.

Spirit lead me... where my trust is without borders.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

For us. For you.

damnit damnit damnit.

A post.... metaphorically speaking.

Here's to new beginnings.

... maybe not fresh starts.
... maybe with skinned knees.

But, Lottie, the girls are back.

With weird tans and mosquito bites and ants and a clogged drain.

Honest we come. That's for sure.

Yesterday we were mere schoolgirls. Tomorrow we become teachers.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Blow out all the candles

You're too old to be so shy.
Do not chase people.

It feels like there is this paradox. (...and isn't that all of life? paradoxes... and either way you lose) 
That we're being either too shy. Or chasing after the wind. 

Fear. vulnerability. rejection. the losing of the self.
It's easier for everyone to not know who you are.

Just a young heart confusing my mind
But we're both in silence

This time of transition. Of closing. Or moving "on." As it approached, seeing it coming closer, it looked as it there would be this great release of pressure. 
And yet here we find ourselves overwhelmed with it all.

Blow out all the candles

Well, I have brittle bones it seems
I bite my tongue and I torch my dreams
Have a little voice to speak with
And a mind of thoughts and secrecy


Two for One

"It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready.
I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. 
There is almost no thing as ready.
There is only now.
And you may as well do it now.
Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any."
Hugh Laurie

"Do not chase people.
Be you and do your own thing
and work hard.
The right people who belong in your life will come to you, 
and stay."

Sunday, April 28, 2013

it was so real

"I know it's over, and it never really began,
but in my heart it was so real."
[The Smiths]

it was so real
The truth set us free... but damn did it hurt.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Free Soul

"The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it - basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them."
Charles Bukowski

Sunday, February 24, 2013


"I'll take the sadness. It's the frustration and sense of failure and the nagging notion that I'll never be enough that I find altogether less than pleasurable--the math of too much somehow adding up to not enough. Too emotional, too honest, too demanding, too picky, too much of too many things. Altogether, not enough. Somehow, still, not enough."

Friday, February 22, 2013

To be.

You've just got to be.

Nothing else.

We think we have to fill in the blank.

I've got to be fit.
I've got to be relevant.
I've got to be witty and smooth.
I've got to be beautiful.
I've got to be thin.
I've got to be known.
I've got to be accomplished.
I've got to be important.
I've got to be happy.

We think we have to be all these things when our reality doesn't always make that possible. So then we are left to bear disappointment.

We try to fill in the blanks.....when the sentence ends sooner than we make it.
I've got to be.

And yet on top of all of this, we have to act like all of these {fill in the blanks} don't matter.
Because I have also got to be "over it".
.....but we're not.

So then we are left with this tangled mess that we have to unravel bit by bit.
And just when you think you've untangled the knots, you realize there are more.
So we keep going. We keep untangling the knots.
With this faint glimmer of hope that we'll learn how to be.
And every once in a while you feel whole.
And you have that moment to hold onto and remember why we are untangling the knots.

I've got to be.

That's it. That's all I can be. That's who I should be.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

You're beautiful, Gin.

I wasn't born a beauty queen but I'm okay with that
Making my own road out of gravel and some wine
[Black Sheep - Gin Wigmore]

Dear Gin,
What a night. 
Thanks for putting on a show.
Loved your boys. They're keepers. With goofy grins and snazzy boots.
You made us a part of the show. That takes talent.
You're beautiful, Gin. You're beautiful.

A Mighty Wind

We are only passing shadows in a mighty wind.

May our hearts sing an honest song.

Today we found paper cranes in our bird feeder.
Today a maintenance man gave a ride home in the rain.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Day well spent

We wake up to both a shriek of joy at the fiery sunrise, and a moan of indignation.
2 PB&J sandwiches for breakfast + Amie's forecast that the weather will be warm = frostbitten fingers...frostbitten everything
After class...reunited and it felt so good.
Chilly sprint.
2 hours spent organizing crafting materials. Our stickers are now organized according to use.
Cauliflower for dinner (Cause we ALWAYS eat cauliflower...right?) combined with New Girl and Mindy.
An extraordinarily snugly nap on the couch from 9-935pm.
Mucca Puzza. dancin.

We call that a day well spent.